Let My Heart Be Present

  It is early morning and before we know our minds start rattling questions like a  ping ball machine. There are so many questions and perhaps  directions we are trying to figure out. And yet our day hasn't  even begun and if  we think we have solved every thought in our head , it seems like another one is coming our way just as we lay down our heads.

 Sound Familiar ? I don't know about you but this is something I have to push through on a daily bases ; especially because I have the personality to get where my mind is headed. And when I'm in that mind frame, I am ready to dominate!

However, I have learned lately this summer that if I will give my mind and heart that opportunity to rest, I will experience life a little more freely. It's funny how much we can create stress for ourselves isn't it? I had a high school teacher who said that we created our own stress. And perhaps that much could be true; especially if we are one to always have structure. By no means is there any thing wrong with structure. Trust me ! We need structure but we must also be flexible ! 

And being flexible could save us all from less frustration possibly. I am sure that nothing I have said is foreign to you but I hope in some light this may encourage us both to just do what we can for the one day and then take on the next day in whatever case it looks like.

So, with this little note in mind, I would love to leave you with some verses that have spoken to my heart:

Psalm 31: 14-15

 But I trust in you Lord; I say, " You are God" My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me"

Psalm 33:20

We wait in hope for the Lord. He is our help & shield

Psalm 104:19

He made the moon to mark  thee seasons  and the sun knows when to go down

Psalm 104:27-28

All creatures look to you  to give them their food at proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up. When you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things

 In whatever your case may be I hope today you'll find a moment of just simple encouragement and to know it's good to let your heart be !

Generational Wisdom

 It has been a few days since I've been able to sit down and right but today I would like to introduce my readers to a man that is very dear to my heart. He is my grandpa and he's more than grandpa to me. My grandpa has been with me from the time I entered the world to know.  In fact , it's almost like my grandpa plays two roles because my parents separated when I was a little girl. My grandpa has taught me a lot through out this season and beyond. He's a man that knows how to enjoy life.
    He doesn't rush life at all. In fact one thing he constantly tells me is , " Don't get in a hurry." I think we could all take note on that in this busy world that we live in. However, one thing I'll always remember are the word's he's spoken to me a while back:

" Work was here  when we got here and will be here after leave."

Such a simple statement but such truth.  Also my grandpa has shown me is better to be slow to anger  when choosing your battles. It doesn't do any good to be frustrated over  yesterdays' problems. Such simple notes if only will apply them. I know many of you don't know this man. He's not famous or any thing but  it's the sometimes when we meet the ordinary that we find the extraordinary. May we find that today upon each face. And may we remember to be the audience and not just the story teller. There is a lot of wisdom to soak up around us.

Happy Mother's Day

As I take in my surroundings. I realize I am only but 24 and God's already given me some of my desires.  I may not be married to any one on earth but I am  married to the Great I Am. And I don't have to wait to be a mother.  The children God puts in  my life are not my biological children but I have many scattered from camp to  cities of NYC. This prob sounds strange to some but I love the fact God let's me use my god given desires to love on children without any attachment. To me, these children are a part of me. And it is my joy to love on the children who may not know what love is. I think so often of my weeks at camp. I get  to take these children in for a week and  even during my week  last summer at Iglesia Baptista  I get to call these children my children for a week.

This perhaps sounds strange but when you get to be apart of the Bride of Christ, there are words that can't be explained! There are moments I long  for my desires to be answered but it's when I stop to look I can say God's been meeting them and will continue! It is a daily choice rather or not I choose to embrace these moments just as any. I've also had the joy in this season to love on some youth. And for what little time I get I count myself blessed! This doesn't mean that my life always makes sense but I learn to accept the good that the Father has in store for me and will continue ! I also get to be a sister! The Father allows me to have many roles and I am honored to play! I don't always  claim  them  but  when I stop to look I realize  God has been walking with me all along! It is a daily task to  embrace but  I am glad  my heart doesn't have to wait to live! I get to live now! So, to the children the Father's  put in my path I say I love you and to the children God has let me yet to meet, I expect our journey will be even greater!

To The Transitioners

 I'm not sure where to begin because it seems like life has been transitioning so fast after college.  It seems like once I exited the portals of college into a new chapter that life just flashed before my eyes. (LoL)  This season has brought many mixed emotions but the Father has been teaching me that how I spend my time shows how I value life. I have to say just from being a previous graduate in December that I really struggled. I was ready for the break because I felt burn out but I wasn't ready to say good bye.
 And so I think if I could pass on wisdom about transitions this is what I would say :

•  Be present to every emotion
•   Trust that the " Yes " is greater, even when you can't see the unknown
•  Take the opportunity  to speak into every life God lets you encouraging
•  Don't focus so much on the One Days. Live the One Days

 At the same time God's been teaching run with your eye's wide open.  Be the yes in every opportunity while your waiting for the next turn.  If you focus on the  those moments then you'll be glad you did.  And  remember that the impact doesn't depend on your degree. The impact  comes from being the investor. This is where it starts!

By no means is easy to remain focused  on such matters but if you will take the steps to be teachable and allow God to help you embrace  the learning moments then you will  do well my friends! It's never about our perfection. It is about the One perfecting us! So,  when your trying to process remember that God is the processor and He will process you to next steps!

Step It Up

Reflective Thought For Today? " If you can't let God do the reshaping while your single, what makes you think it will be different when your married?" " If you can't get into habits such as the simple task of cleaning, how can you take care of any one else?" * Side note I'm not just talking about the house but taking care of yourself as well.* Perhaps that sounds a little harsh but these we're the things that started to register in my mind as I was cleaning the kitchen.
God was using something so small as a house hold chore to show me the shaping really does start now. The habits you desire for your family to have one day or a future spouse must start with you. You can't expect any expectations out someone , if your not being the expectation. I don't know about you but that's a wake up call for me. I know that it can get even discouraging as a single person sometimes; however what if we took advantage of the preparation rather it is to be married one day or for our life to take a path of another capacity.
The truth is our stories start now and in order for the story to have some climaxes, we have to be ready for the change and put good habbits into practice now! I'm not saying will ever be perfect but it's willingness to grow that makes the mark. This was just a brief thought today but I hope what this says to us is that our potential starts now and it's up to us to step into the potters hand and be willing to accept we are more ! That is why  what we  invest into our lives matterss!

It Is All About Attitude My Friend

In the past couple of days  I have been challenged in my thinking. I have found that the truth of the matter that no family or environment is perfect. And you can't change the environment but you can change yourself. It is the attitude of the heart that makes all the difference. As I mentioned a little bit in my last blog. I don't know about you but I have  often found it easier to carry in the negative attitude  than it is the positives. Especially when you may have envisioned your perfect world. You have the choice to complain and to pick at the things you don't like or you can let life be.
It has taken me a long time to come this place. I think often at times what my world might have been like if my dad was still in my life  but I can't change that. I have also come to own  that  that it's by choice in rather you walk in shame or not.  This is easier said than done.  I have even realized I could spend time in anger about relationships or I could make the most of it and allow God to show me His presence in them. The fact is there isn't going to be any perfection in this world. I have even noticed that  this is where Satan often traps us. Especially in my family where I have often felt the wall of comparison but the truth is I have to trust God mapped out my life perfectly and from the pain to good moments , God has a purpose. This even bring Romans 8 to a new level because in 28 God tells us that He works all things out for our good. Our good doesn't mean there won't be pain but it means God will use  every story & event in our life for His will! In fact  I read a quote a couple days ago that my friend posted:
" God doesn't always change the circumstances because He's using the circumstances to change our hearts." That's  not always easy to accept but it is in these moments of my life of this season I am learning that  shame robs.  Shame robs from  making the most and being the most. So, as I sit writing this blog I hope that will encourage you & I both to realize  our stories have purpose and even the imperfections. It is all about attitude my friend.

_________(___________)________- The Doctor Will See You Now

 The past couple of weeks after exiting college has felt like I have been sitting in the waiting chair but this week the Father started showing me that waiting is the preparation that build's our character. The events in our lives are like training wheels and it's the choice / attitude that we choose that makes all the difference. Even today as I was speaking to my friend Naomi, she said to me, " I know this week is going to be good." It really touched my heart because she was recently in a car accident  last  Fall. As I heard her say those words, I thought, " Wow!" how humbled am I.   Especially  as I watch her in the wait for healing !  I have to think God knew what He was doing! I don't wish  this harm happen to her but  she has shown me  life is really attitude based.

It made me  rethink my attitude  as I await for God's next steps. I can dwell in the life changes I want or make the most of it. This even includes relationships in my family. I could complain about the things I don't agree with or I could carry a cheerful heart as God works in my character. And the funny part is I thought this blog would be more about waiting but it seems God is using this to show me how attitudes are so life based, if my wording makes any sense  (LOL) So perhaps as you & I examine our hearts, will check our attitudes.
This week has even shown me that if we're not careful that are attitudes can become road blocks.  I have realized even more this so in my own heart because everyday we have a choice and I just think  my friend 's wisdom may be help to us all. Perhaps, this can be a challenge to us to say, "I know it's going to be a good day." And perhaps this small insight will be a wake up call especially in the many seasons we may face or are facing that don't always seem clear but most of all to be constant.  With all this said, " Hows your heart?"

Sometimes I Don't Know

  In this current update of my life I have been learning what little do I know or just when I think I figured life out I haven't. Especially from this season of just being a graduate from Cumberland.  I even thought what, " What does the average 23 year old feel who is turning 24?" I can't speak from every 23 year old but for me it is awkward  I'm not  a youth , college student or even in my 30's. I keep telling myself I am an adult but sometimes I say it so much I don't know rather I can believe it. Although I heard a song this week called " Who You Are " by JJ Heller. This song made me think  there are a lot of unknowns. Sometimes it's a unknown....

• Fear
• Hurt
• Anticipation

Although I think they could some how tie together at one point. And the hardest part of the unknown is when we don't have answers or we have a friend who needs the answer.I think the more my mind rolls over and over these thoughts I'm reminded  that it really is a test of knowing who God is. It's so easy to claim God when we know what's happening but when the page seems blank it's easy to question and wonder. I don't know what season everyone is in but I thought this song was too good to not share:

Bald Is Brave

Today I was just scrolling and scrolling and usually sometimes its' mindless scrolling on FB but today I found a story worth sharing. I don't really know this young lady but I know the friend who shaved her head. This is the story of a young girl who shaved her head for her grandpa and  for teens with cancer. I must admit that takes guts  because as I looked at this girl who did it with volunteer, I realized how attached I am to my hair. I can only imagine what goes through someones mind who has cancer. I imagine there are even a few tears and perhaps various questions. However, looking  at her story along with the others on:

• http://www.stbaldricks.org/blog/post/when-its-my-turn-to-shave-for-st-baldricks

I realized how brave my grandma was when she had cancer. I can't imagine the familiar things that seem to be normal in how they change. I especially think it's so funny how we can get attached to life but when it involves a physical change, I believe the cut is a little deeper. It's not just your hair but it's looking in the mirror accepting the scars and the walk to become cancer free. I could't cover or try to explain what goes through someones mind as such but these stories on St. Baldricks is worth reading.

Turn Up The Music

 Yesterday, I visited someone who is very dear to me. She wasn't there but the memories we're. I know this doesn't make sense that I visited but she wasn't there  but  let me further our conversation. This person was my grandma. My grandma was a special person in my life and still is. I miss her everyday but there are things I learned from her life even in the mess.  One thing that comes to my mind is often how my grandma would give me a $20.00 before I went back to campus and she would tell me to enjoy life.  I miss those moments a lot. It was never about the money but the fact she loved me. There may have been moments I even thought she was over protective or didn't understand but there we're things God taught me through her life.  I also thought after hearing this song that I'm about to share describes her. Especially because you may think those small moments don't matter but they do. And you  may get tired at times but don't forget to love while you can and to take in the blessings even when life is hard.

Your Perfect

 The past few days I've had a lot down time to write more on my blog but if there was a blog I would really want to share is this one. This video is called (Your Perfect) by this guy named Trent. It is well worth the watch.

And it was very much a God thing when I stumbled across it because Trent was sharing the same message that many of my friends have shared with me. This has especially hit me as I've examined my time and where I spend it. I've quickly discovered that I will open up and then shut down because of my fear of rejection. Or I think what I have to say isn't of any importance. I don't know about you but insecurity is my weak spot and my pride.
It's a place I tend to cover up because I don't want to let others inside my world. However, I live there often trapped because I fear that  I'll be judged but I think I can let Trent take it from here because what he says is so true but often hard to believe. I hope it will speak to you my friend as it did to me.

Womanhood-Manhood

 In our culture today we are told many things that will make us a women. At the same time our culture has lost the image of what a woman should be. We're also being told that we can do any thing a man can do. I realize what I'm about to say may anger someone but in some ways it is not so true. Ladies! We need to give the men room to be a man! God designed it that way! After all God created Adam before Eve. I think that had to be some indication that God wanted the man to lead. This doesn't mean we become a footstool but it does mean we become his helper. And here is a truth men want to feel strong, wanted and needed but when we're too busy to wearing their shoes we're robbing them from manhood. However, I believe we have created a world of confusion of what a woman should be. Therefore I would like to present 1  Point that I believe sums up the rest:

1.  Be Reverent in Behavior

•  be appropiate
• be meek
• Don't draw attention to yourself ( This doesn't mean you can't have a personality)
•  Your goal is to bring honor to God

And I think if we can capture this truth we will gather the truth of who we're meant to be in the image of Christ.This is also hard to keep in mind because there is always the fine line of not feeling weak. However, I believe it says a women holds a lot of strength when we live in the way God designed us to be. That's where strength comes from and it's not from the things you accomplish because it is only through Christ that any thing is possible.

Also  I believe believe this can't go under address men. If this is your prayer of a wife some day , the training starts here. The same to you ladies vice versa. Be man enough to take a stand. Be man enough to let your sisters know  that you are  man who is seeking God. Be man enough to show respect. And here are some easy steps I believe that  will impact:

1.  Be appropriate 

• Your goal is to bring honor to God
• Open the doors for her
• Use your manors. Treat her as you would your sister
• Encourage her  and let her know that  by letting you  open doors etc gives you honor

And at the same time I can not emphasis this one  if not more for both women & men. Be modest.

Imagine if they we're your wife or husband , would you want others to be looking at them in such ways. Girl's I'm going to say as straight as I can ! How you choose to dress shows how you think of yourself and  what you attention you are looking for. Goes both ways boys! I know there are many speeches of  how woman are to dress modest but men same to you. As your sister I am asking you to step up to this too. You can't tell women or any one else for that matter how to dress if you don't step up to the plate too. I realize there is a lot of info. here but  there has to be some changes in this generation. What will your role be and  will you live in God's design?

Also great sermons to check out:

Adoption is Beautiful

 I am delighted to share with you my beautiful friend Benjamin David Atwood!  I know a while back I posted a blog about coming to support the Atwood's but now this little boy that has been long awaited is finally here! I don't believe I could cover his story as well or take any credit ; therefore I will let my good friends Magan & Dave take it from here. Their blog is:

• http://atwoodadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/

Also just so you can capture the beauty of this little boy here is a photo :) This one is my fave because whenever you look at him; it's like he's smiling back!   I  hope you will be blessed by his story & journey!  At the same time I couldn't pass up not sharing my handsome little friend! Also I believe just by looking at Ben you have to be reminded God doesn't forsake!  This is a beautiful picture as well God doesn't forget our desires. It might not look how we imagined but it's perfect!

2 Free Blizzards & More

 Last week at my church we we're challenged to do ( 5 Acts of Kindness). However, yesterday when I was out with a sweet friend of mine the 5 Act's we're reversed. It was really something so simple; an employee came over there and gave us 2 free blizzards.  And this little moment  triggered me to think where has God  been all along. He has been right beside me. This is so easy to forget too because we do live in  a fallen broken world. We get so tied down  by  the negatives or desires to know the future but God is often reminding us to look at the simpleness. And on top of the 2 free blizzards I was blessed my friend drove from  UC to come see me.
 This is definitely a  God thing and it shows He knows the longings of our heart. Especially in the moments where we are home sick for a community. And really this has become a domino effect because God has brought letters, and visits as well. This is a God moment for sure because  I could of  not had any connection but God always seems to find a way fill the longings but  He always leaves longing for more because even though I've been blessed in such way there are not moments I don't just wish to be there at UC again with this sweet community.
And  it is especially in these moments that I have to realize that perhaps I didn't get to see or be where I wanted at the time but I did get a gift such as these small moments. So perhaps your like me and you just need that boost. So with this in mind, where has God shown you kindness?

Take My Hand

 This season in my life has been a test of who is in Control of my life. The more I sit in my fear I scramble  for control.  And it is in this season it has been more of a test for me, especially being a college graduate. Especially as I sit at home because it is a different environment. In college it seem like there was always a plan or you at least had some idea what your agenda was for the day but being out of college feels the exact opposite.  It seems to me even more challenging then high school because it now seems like this is where the real practice of being an adult is.

It has also been a test of discovery  because  it seem like there was so much to occupy my mind in college but now that I'm home waiting for a job, there is more time to think. Sometimes my thinking scares me and so it's why songs like " Take My Hand " by Lindsay McCaul are dear to me in this season. And it has also been a time where I've come to realize how much I live in my fear and so then I tend to pursue control as mentioned.

And I believe the scary part for me also because there is so much time to think that it makes me more aware of my emotions where as if your any thing like me you may tend to run from them. This for me is still a slow balance but today especially I've realize  I tend to live here more often  then I claim. I tend even let fear control my mind in these areas:

• What if I make the wrong move?
•  What if I'm judged for the mess inside my heart?
• Am I really not a burden?

Perhaps you can identify.  And here is the truth I'm slowly coming to that  when I try to control I only make a bigger mess instead of letting my life flow naturally. I'm still growing in this area and I still feel shame at times but it is in my writing that  I hope the lessons I'm learning will help someone else know they are not alone because  that's another one of my identification  I still have a lot to work on this area but maybe just listening to the song I mentioned can encourage you too.

Simple Encouragement

 In this current season or should I say past few weeks the Father has been teaching me the importance of being present. And it is ever so hard because so often  we  either want to back to are past or we crave to know the futures.
Either way it is not a easy journey for  take on.  Over the reflection of this God has been teaching me many things such as:

• You can't force answers out of God
•  God's time isn't always are time but it's perfect
• Be present
• The fruit of our true faith comes with the task: " Will  we keep walking and trust?"

 This is definitely  a challenge of the heart because our hearts can be so weak.Although  in the mist of this God has also reassured me of these truths as well:

•  You are my special possession  2 Peter 2:9
• His way is perfect  2 Samuel 22:31
•  He is faithful Psalm 145:13-14
• He restores Colossians 1:14
• He hasn't forsaken Psalm 9:10

  I know  this is brief but  sometimes simple is better and I hope  it will encourage you  because if it is any thing keeping it simple can often be  the most powerful  moments. I also would like to leave you with a song that has spoken to me lately.

Broken But Beloved

 I've also wanted to write this one  as well. Just this past couple months in Jan. I attended a conference called Passion. At Passion we we're given candles to represent the 27 Million. Well I had been carrying mine in my purse and now it has become broken. However, looking at it today I was reminded  that just like the 27 Million we're all broken.  The candle may be broken but it still has potential. About the only thing one could do is melt the wax but it made me think that  if  we're willing to be open about our brokenness then think about how it could melt into someone else's  And this could be the opportunity for someone else to know they are not alone.

And truth of the matter or the conclusion I've been learning this week is that we we're never promised life without adversity. I just think we  would like to imagine it at times but it is these moments I am learning that  this shows true colors of faith. Also another thought that has challenged me is do  I spend most of  my time talking about these moments or praying about them. That's a whole other story but I hope when you look at this candle you'll know your not alone.

 Not sure if you can tell lol but here is the candle :)

Singleness Insider View

  Today I was sitting over some coffee with a friend and we we're talking about Singleness. I was going on about my rant how can people tell you, " Your day will come."  Have you heard that line?  I have so often wanted to yell back. " How do you know?"  Does this make me a doubter? I don't know but I do know that  in my opinion can be one of the worst things you can tell a single person.   And so it leads us to this portion. My friend asked will , " What should you tell a single person?"

 And after I thought about it. I realized there is no easy way about it. I had also been asking friends some questions on singleness as well but this is what I came up with.
It  is much better to tell a single person that God has a plan because we know that's true Jeremiah 29:11.   This doesn't mean it's easy to receive but it's a promise one can hold onto. Also  another tip I would pass along, " Don't say Bless your heart."  I heard this at my sister's wedding. Maybe that makes me sound heartless but  sometimes you just need to just be there. I think that we sometimes just spit out words because it seems like it's the right thing to do or we feel helpless without saying any thing.

I  know I've carried those shoes too. I just believe that just being there goes along way.  It may not seem like much but sometimes the person just needs to experience the emotions. I feel like with these two points that just reminding someone that God has a plan for them and being there is the most important thing you can do. People who are single don't need to be looked at as projects either.  Just because your friend is single doesn't mean there is something wrong with them or it's your turn to jump in to play cupid  Psalm 139. I'm not saying God can't use you to introduce that person but relationships should be natural. I realize this is a mouth full but after dissecting some things  I came to this conclusion maybe the answers I have been looking for are this simple. Especially as a single person because I have asked questions such as:

• Is there something wrong with me? Psalm 139
• What if my letters I write are a waste? ( These are letters I write in hopes one day I will get married but  my challenge lately has been will I have peace if I don't marry. And to remember I already have a Husband who has been reading them for a long time God * but whole another story
•  etc

Those are just a few but I wanted to write this today to encourage others but also  just to give insiders view from a single person. Thanks for listening and letting me share!

We Are More

 One of the area's that I have always struggled with for sometime is anxiety. I would never talk about it with any one. In fact I wrote about it some in my blog:

• The Tables Open (http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7606946667825615076#editor/target=post;postID=7828151314180459442)

However , I want to address this even more because our culture has given us the idea that we're the crazies or that's the perspective I ended up taking from last semester. I can't express to you how scary it was for me. And even today I am still working out my shame. However, lately it's been a topic in our media. There are even artist like Plumb who has dealt with it.

• http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/article.php?article_id=989  ( Her Story)

I know I have never went to that measure but knowing that I 'm not alone encourages me and so I feel like it has to encourage others as well. For too long Satan has fed us lies that we're not good enough.  And so  today I felt like sharing this in a brief  blog. And I hope that perhaps these stories will shed some light because we are more. We just live in a broken world that tells us we're not.

Fight For Those Who Need To Know It's Not OVER!

 Today there are millions disappearing on Facebook in the honor of the 27 Million who have been in bondage to slavery.   And today I want to challenge others to take a stand! Perhaps your thinking this can't be true. Well let me tell you the story of  Arjun who is 9. Arjun lives in India. At the age of 5 he and his parents we're forced to  to work as slaves laboring over bricks. His owner wasn't too kind to him and would beat him along with the other slaves. And what little money was made they had to give to the owner to pay debt. However, rescue did come! A rescue team was able to work their way through to rescue to them. However it hasn't ended and we need others to take a stand so teams like International Justice Mission can get in.

I know gave you the short story of  Arjun but  I wanted to share this story to encourage you that 27 Million are not just numbers. These numbers are people. There are also several sources that can inform you about the 27 Million. Here is a list below:

• http://www.ijm.org/ - International Justice Missions
• http://www.love146.org/ - Love 146
• http://www.scarlethope.org/ - Scarlet Hope ( Local in Kentucky)
• http://www.enditmovement.com/ - End It Movement

These are not the only organizations but the fact is now we're aware what are we going to do about it.

Here are 3 ways we can step up:

• Pray 
• Give
• Go

 It's time to be a voice for those who feel like they can't fight any more! And  I'm challenging my friends and others to step up by simply going to:

• https://www.ijmfreedommaker.org/campaign/1271/Some-One-is-Going-to-Dance-For-Freedom/

 There are other ways to give as well but International Board has asked us to campaign with them. And I'm asking you to become aware and to not ignore the broken. After all Christ didn't ignore us in our brokenness.

 And perhaps when you look at Arjun below you'll think of the 27 Million

                                          ( Meet Arjun- Yes this is his face but He is a person!)

Blake The Brake

 Today I would like to introduce you to my beloved friend Blake or as many of us know him as , " Blake the Brake." In fact just being around him you can't help but smile because his laughter will steal your heart. However, whenever you looked at him, you could tell that he was simply just enjoying life! And little did I know the impact Blake would have on me because on the day our team was telling the story of the ( Little Boy with His 5 Fish and 2 loaves  John 6), Blake gave me his basket that the children we're making to remember the story.
And just yesterday I happen to stumble upon it, which was a beautiful surprise! Especially because I had been so frazzled lately thinking:

• Lord, where will I find a job?
• Am I making the right choices?
•  What about my school loans?
• What do you want Lord?

Have you been there? Well that is where I have been as I mentioned friends but God brought me back to this moment and reminded me if He can multiply the fish and loaves, is He really that limited? And yet it's so easy to limit God in our minds.
This summer for me was definitely a summer like no other because not only do I think about Blake but I remember raising funds just so I could go be apart of 1:8 and the Father multiplied it again! And yet when our emotions are heightened it is so easy to forget  the God we serve! So maybe your like me and you need this sweet little reminder today. And who knows your reminder may come from precious child like Blake!

 

 * Blake in the red shirt :)

How Will You Impact?

 * One of my goals on my blog has been to share poems and creativity but to also use this as encouragement for others. This is written by my good friend Ezra Anderson. One of his gifts is rapping. I asked him if I could share in hopes others will realize God has gifted them too but to think also how they could use their gifts the Father has given them to impact. So with this in mind, How will you impact?


Back at it,
like a crack addict,
Thing is see i was an addict,
So addicted to this sin,
Since birth I've been living in,
Follow my lust and giving in,
Young and lost,
but i acted like a boss,
when mad i fought
i would hit'em in the face
try to put'em in they place
cause i wanted first place
in life with fame,
get a girl spit game
never wanna be a lame
i beat myself and got stronger
so i could lift more longer
Action's got more wronger
that's until i got some morals
on the outside i was florals
yet my insides were still horrible!
my heart was hard and vile
I was dead, a zombie smile
feed my flesh, live for a awhile
until that junior year,
then it all started to look clear,
deeper look at my life i leered
and in one direction i steered,
i was selfish,
as in helpless
dehydrated
i was tired
spirit dead
i had no doctor
was not
proper
would not prosper
so when my friend Jaime!
invited me to church!
my curiosity perched!
picked up and inside i lurked
saw i wasn't to young to live the life,
Romans be a living sacrifice,
life's about more than just doing right!
inside see i had a whole
so when my friend Jaime!
invited me to church!
my curiosity perched!
picked up and inside i lurked
saw i wasn't to young to live the life,
Romans be a living sacrifice,
life's about more than just doing right!
inside see i had a whole
filled with a temporary mold
called acting, and track n field
Olympian that's what i feel
famous Hollywood actor
only way id be a factor
but long story short it was all for me
then i gave it all to Jesus see
so much better than a chain piece
use my talents for his glory
Sacrifice he did it for me
Spread the Gospel Jesus Story
and BTW I'm never turning back
talking about the way i use to act
Mind and heart on a new track!
Romans in the Bible go and read that
but that doesn't mean i don't make mistakes
yet no condemnation in Christ all Grace! (Romans 8:1)
A short testimony:
The people tagged in this note are all close to me
i want you to know i don't write this to show off or condemn but to say in this life we live it will all soon perish,
and that while it happens your never alone God is pursuing you chasing you so...which way are you running

If God Delivered Us From Our Sin, Will He not do More?

 This morning I woke up at 5AM which to be honest isn't my idea of time getting up in the morning but this morning God awoke me to challenge me with some thoughts.  And to be honest I needed what He shared with me because two of my weaknesses that tend to go hand in hand is worry and control. It's especially hard because I want all things to be good and I don't often like being in the spaces unknown or the spaces where it's painful. I'm sure many of you can relate. However, the Father challenged me with this question this morning:

"If I couldn't save myself, will God not  take care of the impossible?" And that my friend is a heavy thought. It pushed me to think  about Christ dying on the Cross which by all means was the impossible made into possible.  And if I know this to be true then, "  Doesn't it mean God can still work out the possible?" It's a funny thought if you ask me. You would think believing that someone who died on the cross would be harder to believe than accepting the little things are in His hand to such as our jobs, relationships, finances and etc.

However, so often our brokenness slips in. I know that's where I struggle especially stepping out of college but this morning the Father used Isaiah 66:9 to speak to me

:
9 "Will I bring a baby to the point of birth and not deliver [it]?" says the Lord; "or will I who deliver, close [the womb]?" says your God. 

 

 That one really hit me because something like the birth of a baby is also pure evidence God can deliver beauty. After all labor is painful but what comes from the labor is beautiful! Think about it! That cute baby that we all awe.. over  came from pain but when the child was birthed there was a simply " Wow! moment"  

 

Those are the simple God moments that we forget or what about when you fall down. The scrape is not pretty at first but God takes it and heals it. And where the scrape was, the skin is made new. Or what about weeds in a garden. Not pretty at all but once the Gardner goes to work, we're able to see the beauty.

 

This  is how God is but yet we tend to put chains on Him thinking our circumstances are impossible. I have to tell you friends this was definitely a thump on my head because I so forget that  God did the impossible on the Cross and He'll continue it forth still.

 

Ephesians 3

 

   . 20 Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think-according to the power that works in you- 21 to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen

 

What Will You Reimagine?

This weekend I went on a grand adventure of what many of us call D-Now. Our theme for the weekend was Re Imagine. And our group was challenged with this question:

" If you could change any thing and knew it wouldn't fail, what would you do?"

The question really challenged me and made me thing none the less. As I thought about this morning I would re imagine innocence being restored. I'm not just talking about sexually with purity. I'm also talking about children who have been rejected or even grown up with out parents. I  connect to that one very much because these are the shoes I have carried. I imagine one day the pain of not having a earthly Father being there. And before I go any further I want to share my with you my prospective.

I want others to know Father's are important and divorces leave scars for a long time. And even though I'm 23 there are moments I stand thinking that my earthy father won't be there. In fact there have been those Father's Day's where I was jealsous , angry and sad. At the same time all the adjustments that have had to take place. I'm not going to lie it was hard growing up seeing unhealthy relationships.
And by no means do I mean this as a bash statement but it's a chain I want to break in my generation. Also  for me  I have had the difficulty of my mother being engaged to a guy that's been in my life since my teens. I'm not by any means trying to down any one but I want to wake others up that the decisions that come don't just impact you.
However, for me it's beyond that because when I was a teen I wasn't sure how to respond to men. I had my awkward moments and especially when I got into college because I did end up dating one guy in high school. And I wasn't going to but what that left me in was that men couldn't be trusted because he was the second guy who had hurt me. I'll also shoot real here I didn't know any thing about having a healthy relationship.  I ended up giving myself away emotionally and it really didnt' help the guy or I. So, in a short note this is what I want to see restored is that innocence is returned and children are children without being forced to grow up with divided hearts and  girls'  along with boys are able to see God has such a higher plan. I share this story because I believe that when we're able to be in the shoes that we're able to advocate. I'm not saying it's  only way but I have to believe there are others who walk this path and need to know innocence can be restored and the Father can reverse the pain into beauty. I also realize many of  you have heard this story before or you know someone but what I'm asking you is will you help Re imagine?
I'm not just talking about my circumstances I'm talking about others too . You don't have to travel to another state to see the wounds. The time is now but what will you do?
And  I know for me even though my family is not perfect that  God still has a plan. Especially because He reminded me in Psalm 66:9 beauty can be born out of pain. And I know that sounds crazy but look at the Cross. The Cross was painful but God used it and  the  beauty of it was His love. At the same time  others need to know their past doesn't have to hold them. I know I do. Especially as I shared with you about my parents divorce. The pain wasn't just in the heart but sometimes acted out. There we're moments I was just angry during my teen years because of this and now that I'm older I am learning how to unblock  but also learning what it means to let God restore. This is never easy but it's a path that many of us have been on. So while I could write more, I believe  the better note would be to ask ourselves, "What will we do? And will you Reimagine?" Or maybe God's given you a deeper passion. I don't know but  I hope that as the Father challenged me that others will be challenged too.

Oh How He Love's

Lately I have been doing a lot of blogging about knowing how much the Father loves us but today I was reminded how much He loves me. I'm going to be honest my heart was  a little every where for V-Day but in the mist of my planned mind God was in the middle of something greater. He reminded me today that sometimes we share  with others how much they are loved but He also wants us to know it for ourselves and not just share it.
I feel like that's what the Father was reminding me today that yes we're called to love but stop and just be. I was reminded of that with a simple cup of coffee with my grandpa today. I treasure our friendship because he always soaks in the moment. And I know God put him there to remind me of that.
I also received some beautiful letters from some friends and a butterfly bracelet.I can't remember if I actually shared this in any of my other blogs but butterflies are significant to me. They remind me God is making something new and I'm unique to Him. And when I see one it's like God's saying hello or sending one to remind me of  precious friend who came to say hello. So today I not only want to share but I want to celebrate Thanking the Father who send His love to me today!
I know it might not mean a lot to any one but for me writing has always been a way for me to reflect and worship with the Father!
And I hope when others read my blog that they will be reminded that our life is one big book and because of the Father we get to share community! So with this I am blessed!

God's Chalk Board

 Just last summer  I experienced a summer like no other. I particpated in a team called 1:8 Leadership. Little did I know that this summer would turn my world upside down. In fact I thought this was a summer  where I would simply do missions but it turned out that God started revealing more of who I  was in him. The funny part was I wanted to go Freshmen year in college but wasn't til my Junior/ Senior year that God opened the door. This happen to be the time I was excited but also unsure what I was saying yes to.
However, what I ended up was a community and learning what it meant to be accepted for who you are.  That is why I want to share this photo with you.

 This moment imparticular was special because it was a time I thought " Lord, I don't fit?" Are you crazy. I'm not athletic at all and everyone around me seems to enjoy sports. How, will I have any thing in common with my team. However,  while I was wondering God was working.  God reminded me this through that conversation I had with my friend Jill while the rest of my team was playing four square.  She pointed to me how a team member of mine Kyle came and drew with me. Jill encouraged me that I do fit and to look how my team was reaching out.
That evening actually ended up being one of the sweetest moments because my team latter on decided to trace people into some funny shapes. I ended up being a butterfly but no one on my team at that time knew how much I loved butterflies.  Talk about God doing His thing!  And I guess your wondering where does this tie into this season.
 I would consider those two months important because God started waking my heart up to the passions I love. I even ended up singing on the praise team which I was pretty definite I wouldn't but some how God used my two brothers Kevin & Jason to get me up there.
And  I even found bonds with the girl's over  and  ended up finding friendships that I will treasure no matter where I go. Therefore, because of this season I found  that  when we're open God moves but if we're still then it' s hard to  grow. We have to be willing to be movable to we may miss  out some precious moments that we wouldn't imagine.
That is why I'm sharing this because  just like in my last blog,  I hope that in this moment you & I will remember God 's desire for us to grow and have confidence in who we are which is what I am constantly learning!

Branches of the Body

 In the last couple of blogs I focused some on  last season but with this one I would like to focus where God has me now. As I shared with you many times UC has been my family for my 4 1/2 years and always will be but with any season there are times God calls us to the next branch. It's not that you forget the other branch but you realize you must walk forward or you'll miss the many seeds that God wants to plant in your life. It has by no means been easy but with this blog I want to celebrate what God has been doing.
 For a while I had been wanted to be in a home church  but never imagined what I would leave behind at UC. Even though I was close to home, I spent most of my time on campus. However, I never expected the changes to come so quickly. I'm  not going to lie I miss the times of sweet campus worship, and I  miss  being with my friends who I consider family but if I stayed I would have missed out on sweet five year old hugs,  listening to stories of youth, and perhaps miss out  what God wants to do next.
This isn't always fun because of most of us we would like to stay where we are but  it's hard to grow if we're not willing for God to prune us to what He desires. At the same time I still miss what I call home. So for those still at UC, my encouragement to you when you are tired of papers remember the community that is around you. That is what I took from UC and so it became my prayer when I knew that I had to come home that I would find it.
 And I have found it in many ways. One of the many ways has been a precious couple named Nolia and Randy. I get to spend time with them in youth and I even get a little bonus =) These we're the 5 year old girls I told you about. I also get to love on some precious youth that I have just started getting to know and can't help but love them!
 I have also found this season to be challenging because the job department hasn't been the easiest  but  God has kept reminding me to look around that He has my back.  Especially last week because He came to me through some random laughter with a friend, unexpected card and  also a friend who I haven't seen in a while. However, the beauty is even though God may send us to different branch of the body, we're always connected.  And so  perhaps in adjusting to but let me encourage you to take heart because  He has us! Even in the storm of our emotions, He is God!

The Bond

 One of the hardest spaces I have recently been in is wanting so much to be with my UC family but also wanting to be with my Corbin  family. It is hard to invest in one and your heart not carry part of the other one with you. And it's not that either one is more precious then the other but it is definitely hard to present.  Although last night I experienced such  a sweet worship with my UC family. This occasion was very special! It was the celebration of adoption! It was also a time to bring awareness. My beautiful friends the Atwood's  decided to adopt and this  time was set aside for worship but also a benefit that one sweet baby boy may come home!
In fact we have been waiting for this sweet baby for a while but I believe my beautiful friend the Atwood's could tell you more! So, I won't rob them from their story!
Last night however was definitely a time to  remember God is faithful because though it's been good, it's also been hard to adjust. However, it's also one of those moments that you can't stay where your at forever or you would miss the rest of the story that God has planned for you! That is what I was very much reminded of in many ways as I set in worship. It made me think back to if I had left UC I would have missed being with a beautiful family and meeting others from all over the world.
I wouldn't trade those moments!
However, this very devotions spoke to me and this part glued yesterdays' worship together:


" I will eventually lead you down the mountains, back into community with others. Let my light continue to shine within you as you walk among  people again"

 That's the promise I believe my Father kept last night. I definitely miss my UC family but our time last night was more precious to me because when I was there I was reminded this is where God started showing me my passions and He put people in my life who saw potential! I love  my family God's given me! And  I'm proud to call them my family! I have so many brothers, sisters, a spiritual mother and even a father there. I think they know who they are! However, I can say God won't let you walk alone! You might feel alone but your never alone! And I think when you invest you find why God encourages community & family! So with all this said, don't for get the past or present because they are just another piece that reminds you the Father's there!

Reverse the Valentine

 Today I started thinking about  Valentines day coming up. In our culture today couples celebrate couples, little children run around putting little cards in the boxes, family celebrate families and then you have those who believe this day should be called Single Awareness.

However, my question to you today is what if we reversed Valentines day to a new perspective.  What if we found a way love someone who  needs to know what love is about? I'm not talking about your mushy gushy romance. I'm talking about the love that our Father gave us!   There are several ways that you & I could do that.

Here are some ideas:

1.  Smile at the cashier when you go to Wal-Mart
2. Tell a friend I love you just because
3.  Visit someone who is a shut-in
4.  Give a friend or stranger some encouragement with kind words
5.  Donate to an organization like : Love146.org
6.  Find a local friend that needs some help
7.  Donate to the Atwood's to  help bring their baby home:http://www.atwoodadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/
8.  Pay for someones meal while your in line waiting for your food
9.  Pray for those who have been rejected

These idea's don't have to be necessarily the answer but why miss the opportunity to show some love to someone who needs it. Also Valentines day  doesn't and should be the only day that we show love but  it also can be so much more!  Hope you'll take the time to be someones Valentine who will them about the Ultimate Valentine Jesus!

The Tables Open

 Today I sat across my lovely friend Ashley! We usually talk about many things with our little coffee chats but one thing we talked about is my fear that God couldn't use me over seas or in ministry because of my fear  that may lack emotional stability.  Let me give you a little background on that. Last semester I dealt with a lot of saddness from my grandma's death to  missing my friends who have moved. I also became overwhelmed and burnt out. I  had gotten to a point that I didn't know what to do. So I sought medical help. I decided to try Lexapro but that only drove more fear in me.

However, I took it because I thought I've got nothing to loose. I thought maybe this Dr. that prescribed me to this med could help. There we're moments honestly I thought I couldn't go on. And it was hard because people we're telling me so many things right and left. It wasn't til I claimed Jesus that things started  to change. I knew I had to get off this med. So, I started weaning off. However, hear is the God factor part! In order to get off you are told to wean yourself; which is what I started doing but eventually I got to a  point I would forget to take it. I was also told if you stop it without weaning that you may have side effects. However, that never happened to me!
I'm telling you this is a God thing!  I am sharing this because my circumstances last semester led me to a lot of shame. I would often hide from people  because I couldn't let them see the brokeness that I was going through.

Yet, the truth is that is what Satan wanted. Satan wanted me to think I was too missed up. And yes, I still struggle with my anxiety at times but my friend Ashley remined me today that God usese our brokeness  to connect to people. Our brokeness also allows others to see we're all welcome to the table. So, whatever your  struggled, please know the tables open.

Help Bring the Atwood Baby Home!

Please help my friends Magan N David Atwood bring home their sweet baby boy! You can visit their site as well to find out how you can be apart of it: www.atwoodadoptionjourney.blogspot.com There are several ways to give! All you to do is ...click to the blog ! Or you can make donations to:http://www.ccchurchky.com/#/donate/atwoods-adoption
This is a great way to bring love into this little boy's life! Your not just investing now but your investing in his life!See More

The Story Behind The Cover

 It has been  the first year without my grandma but  what she left me with became much more to me. The last Christmas gift I received was a Bible. I've had Bibles before but this one is extra special. I would like to take time to share the story behind it.
 This Bible already has tons of marks on it but it's significant. I know there are some who may think it's strange but for me decorating my Bible serves as a reminder that God has marked me uniquely.

 The cover of my Bible pretty much tells my story.  I decided to take band-aids to decorate it and a picture of my first mission trip along with a Butterfly.  These band-aids remind me that God is healer and these are the truths. For any one who has heard my story you may already indentify but for those who I haven't I  would like to share a small glimpes.
 Even though I accepted Christ at a young age, I struggled with my identity and worth especially with the  hardship of my parents seperating and a broken heart in high school. And it wasn't till college that healing started taken place even more. That is why this Bible is even more special to me with the markings  and all. It was also a gift to  me in one of my last semesters of college and so when I look back at the band-aids I mentioned it's a reminder of the season where God started showing more of who I was and He has called me to walk in truth.
 And I also have the Butterfly as mentioned on there which reminds me I am free in Christ. I know this may sound like a random blog but I hope that this can serve  as a reminder that this is actually a picture of the gospel because Christ has marked us as His! So perhaps the next time you & I look at our Bible's we will remember we're marked by His blood! And we're love!

Seasonal Moments

 The past few days have been a journey of reflections and  how seasonal God is. It's also been a new adjustment. However, today despite the emotions I have had earlier I have found myself remembering that  God hasn't forgotten me and I should look back at the times I thought I was stepping into the deep without a clue.
 Especially during my four and half years of Cumberland. I remember wanting to transfer. I thought God had lost His mind in His placement. I didn't feel like I fit in at all. I by no means have ever been academic or athletic. However, if I left I would have missed these beautiful faces and the God given moments on campus.
I definitely miss my UC family but I have never regretted my time there , even though it hasn't been too long ago. It was during those four and half years I learned more of who I was. I was reminded I am important. I was blessed to have two loving campus ministers who saw potential in me Dean Whitaker and Magan Atwood.
 They loved me even in the times I felt embarrassed by my brokenness. I also found a community who would stand with me when I was just so tired out. I found friends who would laugh but also pray. I also discovered you are never alone because some how God will cross your path by the unexpected.
I met friends from so many nations and I consider them family.
I know this may mean nothing to no one but I just want to pass it on to the person who may wonder , " Why UC?".
It's funny how a small place can take a big piece of your heart but it's what I consider to be a piece that I will not forget. Even the moments in  the cafe. I know the cafe can be lacking at times lol but it never lacks in conversation. And grant it  you may even find yourself in places like Archer where heat isn't your friend but it's where I made some of my best friends.
Those moments are so dear and I love my family at UC. For those of you still at UC ,  I just want you to know you are at time in your life that can make huge imprints.  I have also learned that  even in seasons where  you think you can't pray more that He'll send you extra knee pads. Or even a friend down the hall. I could never count the God given moments but   I don't want to over look the season and  I pray this for those still there.