A Heart to Heart Check Up

Today  I kept thinking I haven't blogged in a while and I thought what could I share. I thought I could write an update on life but then a rock just dropped on my head. The question of:

" How much time do I spend updating my statuses or  sharing my opinion in comparison of telling God whats on my heart?"

Talk about a burn! I found here lately that sometimes I spend so much time writing wanting to share but failing to share  with the One who has called me into a relationship with Him. I'm not saying one shouldn't share but there are appropriate times to share.

In that's even a question, I have asked " When & how should I share?" And  really it's more simple then I have noted. In fact it's simple. Start with sharing with the One who is with you 24/7.   It should seem like that would be simple as I mentioned but if your any thing like me that thought can tend to slip at times, especially because I tend to be a face to face person. However, I think that this present  a wall for me because I often fail to see I'm always face to face with God.
It may not be  a physical person like it was when He was sent in human form  on this earth but  if he made everything, then wouldn't it mean that His face is every where?

I'm telling you the rocks keep dropping. And perhaps this memo is for me  but  I  know for me it has been a journey since my Freshmen year of college but now  I am learning to  strain out my thoughts before they are blurted out and realizing  that there is always someone to talk to but when do I allow Him to be heart to heart with me. Still in process of this thought but  it definitely the current lesson.

Hope Is Beyond Circumstances

 This Christmas season is far different then any others I can remember. In fact it hasn't really felt like Christmas. Although Christmas seems to hold  two kinds of emotions joy or perhaps some hurts that have came our way. For some of us we may be missing someone who passed a way or maybe some rocks have hit your bucket that you we're not expecting. However, knowing that Christmas is a few days away there seems to be  new lesson that I  have seem to over look.  For those of us who have heard the Christmas story I'm sure you could tell  detail to detail from baby Jesus to Mary and Joseph but  I think that there is even a deeper meaning that gets over looked.
The fact that Jesus is light.
 And as many times as one can hear it, it can be a challenge to live out but to think that Jesus was born into the darkness that we may have light brings a whole new perspective. At least for me it has in the last few days. I can't really imagine what each one of you have went through this season but for me it has been one of the most challenging ones from dealing with anxiety, the first year without my grandma and really how do or where do I start this new journey  after college. I can't tell you how many times I have set questioning God almost to the point that my mind is still confused from thanking Him to wanting answers but  from this season  I feel like I am learning an important lesson of facing the circumstances and knowing there is hope which can be difficult.
  If any thing I could say that these tests in life seem to show us even more what hope is about. In fact this statement I heard about hope kept me thinking, " The Circumstances may not change instant. You may face emotions of saddness or anger but  it's even greater chance to live in Hope". It wasn't exactly said like that but it did make me think. I felt challenged after that especially to realize that   I have a choice . And  I have Hope which is the light of Christ then I have even more reason to face this season. So, I share this in hopes that maybe someone else needs reminded of Hope because I know I need it everyday just as much as the next person. May you have a Merry Christmas!

Man Closest To My Heart

Soft pasty wrinkled skin
brim fingers and dried calsus with hands that
have held small quaint children
plucked a weed or two with a heart that has hugged each person
with a smile or maybe even honked the horn to say " Hello"
Whistles ringing sweet music to the ear
shucking corn till sweat of brow
sneaking candy to grand children but never lets his
sweet tooth fade because each smile is worth showing

My Grandmother's Peanut Butter Fudge

This is my grandmother's peanutbutter fudge. She would always make it during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I thought I would include this in my blog. Especially as I miss her being here in this season. And one thing my grandmother always make sure of that everyone was fed. So I hope you'll enjoy this recipe.

Mix 3 cups sugar with a small can evaporated milk and 1 stick of butter in a pan on medium heat- bring to a rapid boil and let it boil for 5 minutes-remove from heat add small container of marshmallow and a bag of peanut butter chips ( can use a small jar of peanut butter) spread out in pan - then let it cool then cut n eat

Oh Little Us

When I was little I said I want to be big
When I was big I said I want to be little
Oh little do I know

So I said if I can't be little  I want to know more
When I found more I said I want to know little
Little do I know that I know what I need to know

 I think perhaps if Eve , Adam and I could talk
I would ask Eve, " Was eating the apple really worth it to know more?"
and " Do you know more?"

I think not
I think not

 What little things did we as humans know
We only know what we know but do not realize  we can't know all

Oh little us
Oh little us

When will one learn
I think not I know
I think not I know

Perhaps it's best
Perhaps it's best
And perhaps one should take shade accepting He is Father and I am not

Life In The Current

 It  has been a good portion of time since I've been able to write. It's hard to capture all of the events but if I had sum up the core of what I've been learning it would come from the conversation I had with a precious friend of mine. My friend had asked me how I was processing things and in that response all I could think about is that I have no idea how to process the events in my life right now. Then she lovingly responded that in life we're always trying to process things but the truth is we're to live in that moment. Those we're not the exact words but it's good summary of what was said.
 If life has taught me any thing I have learned that our bodies we're not meant to be robots. There's no way that we can stand and say I think that I'll press this button today.
Life doesn't work that way at all. I wish it did but I have learned that somethings  the truth is we're in the need of accepting who we are. That one is mark right across my forehead because I tend to want to fix things all the times. I forget that maybe things are ok just the way they are. They dont' always feel or seem ok but in God's eye's they are.
I have yet to figure that one out. I have  definitely asked God those countless questions and I've told Him many times I don't understand.
If there was a time in my life where my faith has been tested it has been now. My life is full of transitions right now from:

•  The first year  coming up without my grandma
• My younger sister getting married
•  Graduating UC ( Which I call home)
•  Praying for my friends healing

And I'm sure the list goes on but this period in my life has probably been far the most interesting one.
I don't really know how this all turns out after December but I think I'm starting to come aware that all I have to do is live for the day and  realize that I would have more peace if I just accepted I am not and He is I am. Those are my current thoughts and I hope they can shed some light to someone.

Will You Embrace or Crumble?

"You have what you have for a reason

It might not be what you want

And it might not be change as you want

However you have what you have because it's what's need to help you grow."

 

 

 

I couldn't think of any other ways to put this or state it because I feel this statement speaks for itself. I wish I could think of another way but truth be told I think it's clear as it comes. That statement in itself has been what God's been teaching me in my life. And to be honest with you my life has never been what I imagined or planned. If it had been I wouldn't have chosen a broken heart, lack of a father, loosing my grandma my senior year of college or various transitions taking place at once as I finish my last semester.

 

In fact no one wishes hardship but it's with hardship that we learn the reality of our faith. And that's where the Father has brought me back today  through a sermon  on following. God showed me this through the marble illustration that the pastor did today. He talked about Matthew 7 which covers many things but one of the most familiar parts of the passage brought a new perspective to me today. I have heard it said like many of you that the path is narrow and the wide equals destruction but never really letting that sink in until  the Pastor used the marble illustration talking about how scattered we can be as humans and if we're not careful we will  miss the true foundation and will crash which is what he demonstrated by knocking all the marbles down as they flew down the stage.

The point of it was many will say they have served and told others about God but how many of us can say , " Knew." This stung with me because thinking back in a sweep over look I had to realize that God didn't just want me to know Him in the good but to " KNOW" him thick and thin. This is major because as I mentioned hardships can define a lot for us.
It also brings in adversity in rather will choose to follow or will back down. It's so hard to pin point all this but when I put in a snap perspective of the statement shared above it really traces back to " Embrace what you have." And when you embrace what you have then you'll stand and you won't be trying to put things back together or become as scattered because you have chosen to remain in Him.
That is what I would conclude and  also a reminder that our focus has to go deeper then words. So, I ask this question to both of us, " Will we take the narrow or wide?" " Is His commands just knowledge or will we practice it?"

 



Yank Back the Whip and Let Your Body Rest & Be

 This season in my life has been very unusual. My heart has been  felt like a race horse on the go. And my emotions have felt like a whip beating my heart around and around. However, in the past couple of weeks I have realized there are some life lessons to be accepted.

Lesson #1
You are not in Control

This one seems like it should be a no brainier but  in many ways it's harder then it seems. However, in this season I have felt like my heart is in two places. It's been sad/ frustrated because I've had to invest more time in my Internship and my Work Study. And it's been hard because even though I don't consider myself academic I miss crossing back / forth in see  my class mates. I don't get to interact as much as I would like. It's also my last semester. So, I've had to accept what I'm able to do. Therefore, I've come to realize I need to stop trying to structure life and let God do His job.

Lesson # 2
" Don't let your feelings take over, you'll end up getting hurt. Let God take over, you'll be protected"

 I 'm not even sure how to even justify this lesson any clearer. This lesson says enough in one clear sentence. It's also something a friend of mine on campus shared with me. I 've come to realize how much feelings can be good but also damage you. Especially because I am one to live out of my heart more then my mind.  This  one really hits home with just the fact of trying to decided what I need to do in life but even more in general. And it's important to identify because feelings can keep us from being obedient to God. I share this one because so often instead of obeying God at times I fall under this one because of my fear but I need to realize I am protected.

Lesson #3
The Father's Word is the Final Seal

The Father's Word is the Final Seal. Ha! That one says soo much because  when you think about life there are billions of voices trying to tell you how to do your life. And if your like me you can trip up over words because maybe your child like personality of approval comes out. However, we have to remember God has only given us one body and we need to take care of it. Therefore, in  making this personal  this has been the wrap up of over all that I have to slow down. This means it's ok to simply sit down and eat a pop tart. I know that sounds funny but it's so easy to get on the go thinking this is how I need to spend my time with the Lord , scripture, scripture scripture. And not that it's bad but He's not expecting us to be  super mega Christians, He just wants us.

So, my heart is that as I reflect and share God would use this to share with those who are need of encouragement but also  sometimes it's good to know that we're not the only human struggling. Therefore , may this be what it is ! Much Love

6 Quadrants of Struggle Extended

 A  couple of days ago I posted a blog called the " 6 Quadrants of Struggle" but I want to further this with you.   I know for me the last couple of days I've needed to un-box some stuff as I mentioned but the question how to do this can be challenging. Therefore before pairing up with scripture. One must  identify the lie. This is something I'm still learning to put into practice. And for me I was able to do that today I realized in the transitions that have been taken place in my life from my grandma's death, sisters engagement-marriage, direction and missing some current friends that a lot this has been a cry for knowing I'm safe.  And so what what I want to do here is list the lies that I have dealt with:

• Your Alone
• You'll never measure up
• Your a failure
• Your not mature

Those are just a few but I want to share these because I know I have been in the shoes wanting to hear I'm not the only want that struggles. That's so important to hear I find because so often our worlds screaming advice. However,  when someone shares it equals vulnerability and with that I've learned that  it can also be a gift because  it allows us to be real with one another. This is something that we don't have often in our culture. So, for me it's been learning the balance of sharing but with this tool that's been passed to me I want to pass to you.
I also as mentioned in my previous blog want to remind us both God also understands our need for fellowship. He never intended for us to be alone and so may this blog touch someone and  may God help us continue to un-box.

 

Never Forgets Psalm 9:10 Psalm 115:12-13	Trust Psalm  118:8 Psalm 115:11 Psalm 116:10 Psalm 78:7  1 Corinthians 1:9 Proverbs 4:4	Afraid Psalm 118:5-7  Psalm 73:28
Heard Psalm 116:1 Jonah 2:2 1 John 5:14-15	Protects Psalm 116:6 Isaiah 33:2 Psalm 100:3 Psalm 91:14-16 1 Samuel 2:9  2 Corinthians 5:1	Freedom Psalm 116:16 Hebrews 10:22 Romans 3:24 Romans 4:7 Isaiah 37:20 Romans 8
Balance Proverbs 16:11	Equips Hebrews 13:21 Romans 1:6	Beautiful Psalm 139 Ephesians 2:10 2 Corinthians 5:13
Wisdom  Daniel 2:20-23 Psalm 32:8 Proverbs 4:11, 22-22	Anxiety Psalm 55:2 1 Peter 5:7 Philippians 4:6 Matthew 6:25-34	Loved Exodus 15:13 Isaiah 14:1 Psalm 136:13-14 2 Timothy 2:9

Have You Ever Wanted A Physical Touch From God?

 Have you ever wanted to feel God physically?  I mean you know God's there but you simply need a touch. I have been there many of times and particularly in this season of my life. From so many questions but I will be real with you that there are days I'm reading His word and I wonder what it might have been like to have Jesus physically on this earth. It's not abnormal to think this way. I think in our minds we think that those who have great faith can't have such thoughts. However, as I mentioned yesterday or previous that even Paul who was before us recognized his flesh was weak.

And that's a hard place to go because I can remember just growing up along with when I accepted Him but as I have gotten older I've seen that there are times in my walk that the doubting Thomas comes up. It's not a proud moment of mine but I believe God knew He would have a few of those since He included Thomas in the Bible. However, I want to state that it doesn't make our faith less because Christ never promised perfection on this earth but He did promise to be lift us up. (Psalm 118)

Therefore because of that I believe because He understood Thomas's needed to touch him that he understands ours. I know particularly yesterday I was just to a point where there we're lies that have triggered my mind. However, before I go into that part I want to share a brief thought that links to this point. In fact  even though I shared with you that I found that silence had a lot of power that night for me at the rally, I also want to mention that it wasn't easy.

I felt trapped in that seat but that was because I was listening to Satan. I thought if I got up out of my seat that someone would judge me. I couldn't escape the crowd. I had so many things running through my mind. It was  a challenge to be present but at the same time I learned when you feel like you can't move that it's even more of a time to really pray. However, have no doubts God sees you which is what I have to keep reminding myself of with Psalm 115.

I so need that because as I mentioned that was just then but the next day I still was thinking after being triggered God I've got to touch you some how. If I could just feel a hug. And somehow beyond the  war of my mind and heart, God heard it. He brought two precious friends into my path that day to remind me that He was here. It doesn't mean they are God but  God choose to reflect His love through them. So, in my long note this morning I share both because we need prayer and we need the arms of Christ.

So, if you wondered has any one thought this before, I'm here to tell you I am that one. May God bless!

6 Quadrants of Struggle

From last Spring this has been a journey for me but now because I have some tools in my hand. I'm starting to identify where my struggles lie. This morning I decided to start what I would call my 6 Quadrants of Struggle. I also starting getting more of an awareness of often I live in my heart and in my mind. Most of the time it's not a healthy space unless I'm pulling into God's heart. In Romans 7 Paul talks about  our waging war and it is oh so true the more I examine my heart. This what Romans 7 says:

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

 It so powerful when you really read it! Especially knowing that our Lord delivers us! So as I started to make this applicable. I decided to take a walk in the 6 Quadrants of my Struggles which I am fixing to share with you:

1.   Never Forgets
2.  Trust
3.  Afraid
4.  Heard
5.  Protected
6.  Freedom

 Those are the areas that I really struggle realizing that there are truths to God in this. Especially the first one that mentions " Never Forgets." I can't tell you how often  I have been asking the Lord to remind me that He sees me when no one esle does.  So needed but what I hope to leave you all with with a tool as well.
Perhaps your like me and you need to list out those 6 struggles. After you have listed yours out then pair them up with scripture. That's what I started doing this morning. So for me it looks like this.

1.  Never Forgets  -Psalm 9:10, Psalm 115:12-13
2.  Trust - Psalm 118:8, Psalm 115: 11
3. Afraid- Psalm 118:5-7
4. Heart-116:1
5. Protects- Psalm 116:6
6. Freedom - Psalm 116:16

This doesn't have to be the absolute answer but it's one tool I'm discovering that is ever so important Scripture, Scripture , Scripture! Rather you post it on your mirror or carry it with you! So powerful! We so often forget that we hold the sword! And so I hope with this note of life that God may share with truth with you!

The Power of Silence

 Tonight was such a heart check for me. I had the chance to attend a  rally for youth  with 1st Priority.I went with intentions thinking that God might put a conversation in my path but I believe God sent me there beyond that to really hear Him. As I set with many emotions which I'm still trying to piece together I walked away realizing that sometimes silence is the presence God's asking. Silence doesn't always seem or feel present but what I'm learning it's just as present as any other out reach. I am becoming aware that sometimes as a human being it's easy to think I've got to be on action but silence is also action too.
 Sometimes it's the silence that just allows us to really reflect on hearing more than talking. I am also becoming aware that  God can also use silence for prayer even more so because  we have set aside to just be. In our culture today that sounds strange because we're busy but what I've realized again knowing who I am and my purpose is really understanding what 2 Timothy 1:9 indicates that I am called. I still have a lot to unfold but tonight I felt like just writing out what I've learned here but also that  God might use my life to encourage others. I know that's big part of my heart and that's what I hope to do beyond my circumstances. So, may this  simple message bless our hearts that God may speak!

The Plow

This weekend I had a precious opportunity filled with many emotions but blessings as well. I had the opportunity today to work a 5 K race. I by no means can  or could relate in the athletic department but I was able to watch a father push his daughter as he ran the race.  God used that very moment to remind me of the verses I had read earlier this week:

 Luke 9:61-62

 Still another said, " I will follow you, Lord but first let me go back and say good bye to my family."
Jesus replied,  " No one who puts a hand to the plow looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God"

Seeing the father push his daughter really put this into perspective for me because if the father had looked back then he may have missed the goal. Also  it was another picture of how he was right behind his daughter guiding her a long.  That is the picture of what our Heavenly Father desires to be to push us a long so that we would run straight but also know He is there to guide us. And that has been the picture I've really needed to see. So, what I am walking away with today is knowing , " If I will seek Him then in truth I will walk straight." By no means is that easy to grasp but it's a snap shot of life that  I know I needed to take in! May we take this and learn what it means more!

The Cost To Follow

The Cost to follow is often much more then we tend to want to offer. When our world seems clear we're all about God and we have our praise Jesus clapping on the side. However, when our mountains  gets rocky it can be a whole different story. This is what I've examined in my life especially because I thought about  the last few days how would God want me to share. I had even started a new blog called , "Life of a Single Lady" but in the past few days I have discovered that it's a much deeper root for me. This root is called comparison. I don't know about you but when my life doesn't feel like it should be where it is I imagine that I am so behind. I have every desire to be what God has called me to be but there are times I put myself to the side thinking , " God , why don't you let so and so do the job." or " God are you just up in Heaven with a bowl  just rolling the the dice thinking, lets see where April lands today."
I know those thoughts sound outrageous because none of us would ever want to claim those thoughts but to deny them is far worst because if your like me you want to play the avoid game. And this is where God has had to draw my attention back realizing that  Following has a cost. I have especially come to learn this through Ruth and James. Especially Ruth. If your familiar with Ruth we know that Ruth gave up her family to be with Naomi.
And that's something I overlooked many times when reading Ruth. I just thought " Wow!" Ruth is amazing lady but somehow I was missing the big picture. The big picture being Following often means we're going to have to give up something. It could be any where from our pride or to things that we love. That's a hard piece to soak in because at age of 23 I had to allow this to be food for thought because I have no idea what's  after I graduate from UC in December. It's diffcult because from the time of my youth I thought about all the things I would love to and have dreamed about but never thought about the path.
For some odd reason I never allowed myself to encounter the thought that ( Following) doesn't just  inquire cost but encounters change. So, as I share today I just want to leave us with this:

Psalm 9:10
  * The promise of  the Lord never forsakes those who seek  Him

The Fragile Heart

 Over the past couple of days I have come to experience many emotions but in some ways there is some bitter sweetness that sweeps over my heart today. I am  5 days away before I move in as a student one more time. And I can't compare half of the emotions that have been over my heart since this summer. There is joy from the summer but also some sadness from some of the changes taking place in my life. At the same time there is curiosity because I don't know what's next after  December. However, in this time I have learned how fragile the heart can be.
The heart can develop so many emotions and some that you didn't even know you could feel. And if there has been a time in my life I have realized how weak our heart can be at times. At the same time I have found that this is why our hearts must be embraced with the Father's because our flesh will fail. Even David felt this way in Psalm 73:26, " My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." I think if any body understood emotions it was David. And knew where to come with all of his emotions. That's a question  I have asked lots on in how to be healthy with our emotions along with knowing God gave us them. However, I believe that answer was given to us just by seeing David's relationship with the Father.
He simply brought them to the King.
However, I don't know about you but sometimes He's the last place I bring them too. And it's quiet funny considering He already knows the battle of our flesh. Isn't amazing though that we have this same knowledge as David or many others before our time but fail to apply ? I know that's what has been hitting me hard this week. At the same time I know sometimes to understand the truth our hearts have to hear it a 1,000 times. I don't know that I can totally wrap my mind around it but what I do know is there will be days that we struggle but we must let it stop us from  being all that we we're called to be. So, even if our hearts fail; there is still Jesus and even when our hearts are strong there is still Jesus!  May this be our peace ~  And when it's not may our hearts be reminded.

Growing in Grace Part 2 ( What is Your Platform?)

In my previous blog I talked about being Single but today I want talk about seeing it as a platform. Although there have been an array of emotions I have been reminded that  it's are brokenness that makes us real. I want to especially address this part because I have off and on asked this question," Is there a point where even a content person doesn't feel content?" I know that sounds ironic but I think it's very possible because I think no matter what sometimes our desires can feel so out of reach. And it's not because God doesn't want to give them to us but because He has timing.At the same time I also want to mention I don't believe God gives us these desires by accident but in some ways from what I'm experiencing  it doesn't always make sense because I've been asking God, " What am I to do with  my desires?"
And there are moments I wonder if it's natural but I have to keep pressing in. So when I talk about platforms  I believe God has given us each one. Platforms are the moments/ seasons in life. They give us the ability to relate to others especially those who don't know Him. And that's so important because when we're broken it's hard to relate to something that is whole. Or I know for me it is because I can get so easily consumed with my own brokeness. So, when we're willing to meet our own brokeness we also get the chance to be real.
And that's one of the key things I want to mention because I know from the thoughts of a Single person I can find myself saying what am I suppose to do with this part.That's one of the many reasons I wanted to take that topic further because as a 23 year old I know that we face pressures from our families, dorms, and even media. I'm not say it's all cake either but  I am learning that  it's a lot more then questions because even if we don't feel like it our Father is growing us.
 So I guess in my closing words I would say , " What is your Plattform?" and " How are you using it?" And I hope that His grace this would encourage someone because it's so easy to put on our plastic suits.

Room to Grow in Grace

  It is  6:01 A.M which seems to be an odd time to be awake or for  me it is at least but it's also been a peaceful for me even though I am not a morning person. I've needed this morning very much because the past few days since I've been home from my Summer missions, I have found my heart to be a sea of emotions especially with my younger sister getting married.  And because there hasn't been a lot of distractions my emotions have been to it's fullest. I actually didn't come into a lot of this awareness of how much was going inside until now. It took the Father to use a  friend of mind and His word to point this out to me.
 I had been using distractions for so long or at least I didn't have much time to think about it when I was gone that it was like my heart it me like a  giant wave.  And once it was brought to my face I could identify areas that would make this true because  whenever my sister starts talking about her wedding I want to tune her out. I honestly have found it hard to be of approval and understanding. And it's been particularly hard for me to understand because I feel like it's so unfair. Grant it those are my feelings but I've been learning to work through my feelings and that  we don't have to apologize for our feelings. Our feelings can be a scary place but it can also give us a reality check of who we are.
And so as I write this I pray that our Father can use this for His glory because I imagine I am not the first to deal with this matter ; especially when a sweet friend of mine from Richmond shared her story with me. I also  at the same time have become aware that I need to give myself room to grow in grace.  That's another point I really want to cross this morning. I don't want to emphasize the emotional more or less over the words that have been spoken to me.  These are just a few word the Father has began to speak over me:

Isaiah 33:2,6 & 22
 * 2
  Lord , be gracious to us for  we long for you. Be our strength every morning. Our salvation in the time of distress
*6
He will be the sure foundation for your times, a  rich stone of salvation and wisdom and knowledge. The Fear of the Lord the key to this treasure
* 22
For the Lord  is our judge, the Lord is our Lawgiver, the Lord is our King, It is He who will save us

 I know those are just a few words but  it's what my heart needed this morning. And if your an emotional person like me  I pray that Our Father can use  this to speak truth to you. Grant it I know some of us may not be dealing with these circumstances, however what I have learned also too is that feelings allow us to relate. So, today I pray Our Father would remind us to give ourselves some grace to grow.

You Will only Blume More

 These past  couple of weeks especially I have felt like Satan was using my mind as a yo-yo.  It was particularly challenging because I became homesick missing the community on my campus. The time I had at home seem strange to not feel like there was someone down the hall or someone at your door. For those of us who have lived the college life. You know what I mean. I have to admit the changes in my world has been definitely more of the unexpectation. I could definitely relate to Job. I may have never taken the degree He has but I have felt like things we're stripped.
My grandmother had passed away  in December, my sister had decided she's getting married soon and my closest friends have moved to various parts. I have to say this season took me by surprise. However, the Father kept pressing in with me! He used some of my precious friends to remind me of Romans 8, text and even a phone call.
I know He didn't have to but  I know He saw me with my head down. However, He kept talking to me! Especially today He took me to  Isaiah 41:8-10. He told me how He never rejected me! He also  told me that nothing was too big to clear up. I think often how I've pictured my life  in this season was Jesus was climbing up the thorns of a flower with me. He was there at the other end pressing in so that I may blume more!  I know this won't be the last but I know as a wise friend me reminded me, " Hope produces character."

The Restless Orphan

 I found myself to be so restless these past few days. I have found myself forgetting what love actually means. I think sometimes we think we know what love is but we know so little. For some of us the image of love is a hug, kiss, family, marriage or perhaps a gift. However, it is deeper than that. Love is unconditional and a gift  also. Sometimes it's tangible and sometimes it's more of just keeping your eye's wide open. This is the love I have experienced in just a day or so. It's came in:

•  A text " I'll see you soon"
•   A prayer in that you'll experience love
• Mercy of knowing you can mess things up but it doesn't mean God won't work it out
•  Transportation for  my 1:8 Trip
•  A check to use for the summer.
•  A kiss on the cheek

If it is one thing I've grasped. I would say that  I am not God again! That sounds like it would be easy to understand. However,  I tell you I live in a complicated mindset and the only thing that untangles me is God. I am no more wise then the next person. I just keep asking questions.  I also must confess as humans we're scary people. In fact I have heard Beth Moore once say, " God knows it's scary to be us." I believe she has hit the dot on the nose. I have found that to be true with myself. I would look over myself thinking once or twice, " What is becoming of me?" I know the truth!
It has definitely been the shoes where what Paul's has said once, "  I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do but what I do I hate what I do  Romans 7:15." How, true that is is! So many times we want to over come our flesh and yet we try it on our own before coming to God.
 I have to say it's a wake up call for me because  I know that I naturally need to desire Him more than I do! That's where I want to be this summer!  So, I write one because I know  perhaps we don't have the same temptation but we all have the battle of the flesh!

A Reality Check In

 This morning I woke up realizing  I could concentrate on the things I am unable to control. This doesn't seem to be an unfamiliar lesson for me. However, as  I think about my past blogs. I realize one of my biggest fears is that if I am me that I will feel rejection. However, it would be like blowing out a candle or trying to find the 50 ways to hide. Being who you are is really a gift! I find this one my biggest battles because I often walk in fear more then I do the light. Now, that doesn't seem to add up because if we are in the light, then we should walk bold! However, I like many of you tend to forget the one who Created me gave me my gifts, features, and desires for a reason.!
At the same time one  must live it out with wisdom! That is what dawned on me this morning because one of my biggest  joys in life is being the encourager. At the same time here is where the wisdom draws in! If I long to encourage others, I must live encouraged! Ouch! I had never thought about it  this way till this morning! Perhaps you can relate because the truth is we can't be anything for anyone else if we're not being that for ourselves. In fact because of our false selves we're the ones often helping cast out our own light.
You see the same control that you and I have to flip a light switch on is the same control we have in life. We can go to the light or we can sit in the dark! However, somehow we find it easy to just sit. Though, this is what I am learning this morning! If you love to write, sing, dance , garden or play a sport, be you!  They can only be negative things when you or I let them control us but God gave us personalities!
If He didn't want us to have personality then you and I would be alike but we're not! In fact it was these scriptures that encouraged me this morning:

Isaiah 43: 11-12
 I , I am Yahweh and there is no other Savior but Me
 I alone declared, saved and proclaimed and not some foreign god among you. So you are my witnesses.  This is the Lord's declaration (AND) I am God

Isaiah 45:4
 I call you by name Jacob My Servant and Israel My chosen one. I give a name to you though you do not know Me.

 These are such profound truths:
He is God
He called us by Name

I  needed to hear this morning because there was no reason to sit in tears this morning because if I believe He is God and God is Creator then I must believe it along with living it out loud! We are only on this earth for such a short time. So, we must learn  to be alive in  Him because it is the only way your hearts can be open to truth!

The Paper Doll Mentality

 I don't think I could have titled this blog any better because for those of you who have ever held a paper doll in your hand you can relate or for you boys perhaps it was those transformers along with Lego's. You had the power to change any thing you wanted it to be! That's a powerful thought! This thought really dawned on me today because at age 23 I have come to discover myself in a new light.  I have never felt more transformed then I do  now. In fact I can relate to the paper doll because  with a paper doll you can change her hair, clothes and well give her own personality. You we're the creator!  This by no means entitles us that we're God but everyday you & I make the choice of how one will clothe themselves.  I believe there are two profound choices: lies or truths!
 I  have definitely and do have my share of both worlds. From the time I have hit middle school I have tested the waters of  trying to figure out who I was from the blond high lights to how many layers of foundation does it take to cover up that zit.  I have also  been the girl who tried the liquid eyeliner, signed herself up for the Republican Club and  the girl who never spoke up  because she didn't think her voice matter. The automatic truth was I was hiding who I was really inside. I never cared for politics  or for  eye liner. I just wanted to be accepted knowing I was beautiful. I desired out of all this to simply be heard. I wanted a voice!
 I was buried under 4 years of lies and it has taken 4 years for me to discover what it means to stand tall! This is where I am currently. I am beginning to see the things I enjoy and realizing I don't have to be a paper doll or a wall flower. This girl who stand before loves the simple things such as meeting people where they are. She has also discovered she is a : Facilitator, Disciples, Truth Speaker, Teacher  along with one who doesn't have to cut up her heart surrendering to one thing.
I have come to acknowledge every part of my heart is important! This is a breath of fresh air!In fact this is often what my beloved BCM minister Dean Whitaker would tell me along with  my mentor Magan! The one truth that I fought for so long was wrapped in all that I have written here. Here it is, "  All I want is you." That's hard to accept because it's so easy for us to think there is more but  when we  look at those who came before us  such as Ruth, Esther, David  Paul and etc; God shows us that it was never about ability! It was about availability! I am still letting this sink in! However, this is such a leap from where I was!  So, I  put this question before us, " What will it take for you to step out of the paper doll Mentality or  Creator mentality? Will we let God be our Creator?

All I Want Is You

 Cold feet hit the soft lush grass
Heart breaths in the  as the breeze kisses the face
Suddenly a trickle or two comes
My heart sinks for something has touched me

My eyes began to circle where is this from but suddenly I am touched by a  man.
He says to me you are beautiful
He says to me  what are you doing?

I respond standing tripping up over desires of which ones to cut out
He says let me see them
I respond ok
He looks at them with soft eyes
 Then responds what were you going to do with them?
I respond I don't know. I don't know where my heart is.
He responds it's simple
I gave you these desires

You are not bound to one or the other
 Think of your life as a canvas full of color
Explore them as you wish
These are gifts
Don't throw them away

I respond  with silence
He responds with  all I want is You.
I say this sounds too simple
It is
Accept it.

The Unusual Score Keeper

 Humans can be one of the most disgusting creatures.  In fact were good when it comes to slinging mud at others or on ourselves. You would think that stage left us as a child but were still the child that goes around putting their finger prints on the walls no matter what our parents may have told us. In fact as a little girl I can remember coloring on my bed room walls. This didn't go over well by the way. I can't remember exactly what happend but I remember the disapproval. No, child likes to feel the look of disappointment. In fact this one still doesn't go away. I was reminded of it this morning as I realized I had dye on the bathroom door. I didn't have to second guess what would come after it. However, the second guess can stop us from seeing the hope.
It's so easy in our everyday life to focus on the guilt, defeat or what seems out of reach. I draw to this one often especially becaus some how in my finate mind I forget it's God who can do any thing He wants. I'm not in control. I don't get to be the score keeper saying, "3 Strikes your out". No, God is an unusual Score keeper. He doesn't keep a tally mark thinking well lets see what this child did today. He some how choose to pick us up and clean us saying get back into the game! I have yet to figure that one out but some how as I was putting this paste over the door I realized this is how God is! He smooths us out!
It may not look smooth to us but He works it out somehow to us it for His glory!

My Life Is Like A Pop Up Book

 My life is like a pop up book. You never know what characters will come along. Though I have learned to appreciate each one of them. Along with life is not a fairytale. I'm sure many of us can think of things we wish could change in our families, friends or perhaps are everyday acquaintances. However, just like the antagonist the protagonist must be appreciated too. I know it sounds weird to appreciate the things may bring harm to us but sometimes the things that inflict us make us stronger. If I never had my broken heart before college I may have never seen the woman I could become. I would have never seen the other people that God wanted to bring along to my life! This also includes the climax's of my life! If I could see behind them I would have never seen the love behind Cumberland's!
Things have not always went my way but they have taught me something! I don't think at age 5 this is what I wished for  in my life but it's the ride that's made me realize I am tall, an adventurer , and independent! And there may be days I struggle to see this but those are the days I will take my most pride in because it's taught me persevarance! At the same time one can't forget the readers! I think of the readers being outside watching the story come alive! Those people would represent the ones who can see the logical! They are the cheerleaders because every reader wants to turn the page because they know there is more! There are numerous people in my life I could name but  I think what I'll hold more is the times we have spent together! I have learned in my 4 years of UC that one must be a sponge because there  are always new things to learn! Of course I still have internship to go! I am not sure where it will lead but that's what makes a story great because the mystery keeps the traveler and the readers in suspense! It also reminds the traveler because they don't know that they are in the best hands which is the Fathers! I am 23 now and I'm excited to see whats ahead! Oh the journey!

Dumpster Diving

  " Dumpster diving, now that's a  new sport?" I have never in my life ever pictured myself going dumpster diving. This was a new adventure for me! I had just been sitting in my room on the phone with my friend Sarah as she was telling me that they were in the back of Archer parking lot dumpster diving. So, you can bet in the back of my mind I  was telling myself I have to see this! I didn't get in all the way with the girls but when I walked back there I was amazed at the human waste!  Although I didn't climb in I ended up with  3-4 new shirts that just needed washed along with a shower carrier! These items were just on the top of all the  mounds of trash that were before my eyes. I wish I had pictures of it  but the images will be left in my head. This actually seems odd to me that someone would  toss useable things away but at the same time it's a reminder that all of this stuff in the world is temporary!
 At the same time I also saw how God could make things new again because all the shirts needed was a wash. The same way with human life because maybe we think were messed up but really we just need the touch of the Lord! There are so many lessons to this but the one thing I have walked away with is always look around you because there are great adventures & lessons! So, today  I stand excited with I'm sure many emotions but also a joy to see what God will do!

Packing & Unpacking for the Greater Journey

 It's hard to register all the changes that have came this semester!  It has been a season of pain but also beauty! I have learned more then ever that I am not God and I'm out of control! This one seems so simple but sometimes we put on our God shoes without even realizing it. Our human hearts fail to register this at times. At the same time in this season  it feels like it's actually the first time I can call myself a  "Woman". I know in our culture they say at age 18 your an adult  but for me it still felt like the awkward stage of  being a little girl to reality of it's a new discovery in where I am really studying who I am.
 This has also just been a refreshing moment of realizing the gospel is for me! I know we say it alot but it's so easy to let our walls tell us that were not worthy. I would have to say that it wasn't till this semester particular that I really started taking it to heart that I am loved especially with  some of precious friends who know who they are! The moments that have hit me the most has been:
quality time, prayers, being called a lady and having a dear friend of mine write a list of truths that she journeyed over with me this year!
I would say out of those two moments being called a lady along with list of truths that a friend was willing to journey with me has meant the most!  I feel so blessed as if I have stood taller then ever before but of course this is just the beginning. I don't know that I could cover all my emotions right now but  I feel like the idea that I can  claim the title " Woman" is a  start!

Renewed

   The humor of God is one to experience.  He is like a jack in the box and you never know what He's going to pop out at you! This is the  relationship I discovered because this week  I remember just finding myself like a shrunk down child just crying in tears. Of course she has been out for a couple of weeks. I found her especially this week sitting at the foot washing on her campus. This girl didn't feel worthy nor was she going to move. However because God is God! He walked her through preparation! He  was waiting for her to face the walls. In order that she would approach the battle as Esther did! He also brought in her other sister to show her this path! This sister I'm talking about is Magan and of course in my earlier blogs I've called her my Spiritual Mama! She is that too! Because Magan  could see the light I was able to be guided back into the light! That's just how Jesus is! He can see everything and so  He has hope to know will make it! I'm not saying Magan is God  but God knew just what I needed! Though she wasn't the one washing my feet this weekend! At one point she washed my hands and latter on I met another sister who washed my feet! This is the true gospel! I realize there's no full details in this but this weekend I experienced  prepartion as if I was Esther and my heart was renewed in the Gospel!  With this I am renewed & hopeful!

Battle Cry For Womenhood

This is a call to all you ladies who are crying out! This is not a feminist attack to carry a message of " I am women hear me roar." It is simply the message restoration! I know that I am not the only women out there who is struggling with this. I know that this is a daily attack of our enemy which is why I am taking the stand! As precious jewels, we can't let the crud of the earth swallow us whole! It is why I'm writing because I know if my hearts bleeding someone esles is! However, some how we convince our selves that those " Little Ms. Sunshine's" have it together. In fact were our greatest convincers! All Satan has to do is feed us a lie and watch it thread through our lives!  Beth Moore even stated it this way, " If you're thinking really attractive women don't have this issue, you are out of your darling little mind. If you happen to be thinking that average looks are a problem, they are not. An injured soul is the problem"
 This one really swung home with me! I'm telling you it has been daily climb to remind myself that I am God's living child! I do not wake up every morning telling myself ,"I love you and you look so beautiful." Half of the time I'm looking thinking, " God are you sure you used the right clay and I'm not her any more." I'm talking about my past because no matter how much I try to reflect I still see that nagging image of a girl  proclaiming , " Don't leave, don't leave." Do you know which one I'm talking about ? I mean can you put that image of  her in your mind! In fact it maybe when you think of her you think of the image of when you were a  little girl and someone had to leave but you clung to life! Have you met her? I sure have! I meet her physically and mentally in my mind!
I'm telling you  it is like someone playing pin ball inside my head with everything shifting around!  I don't know your story at all girl but I do know that it just takes one to speak up!
I don't know that it gets any simpler but as I write this today I was just want to encourage us both that were His child! Were His child even when we don't claim it because God still loves us and calls us beautiful! Psalm 45:10-11 says it all and I do hope this will find us with encouragement that were not done! It's just part of the battle!

BitterSweetness

 There have been many changes in my life this semester. In some ways some of my stronger moments of joy but also some bittersweet moments. I have found  myself learning that no matter how much our hearts desire that our plans are not always what one expects. They can turn around in one moment. It is an odd place in my life because many of my friends are going in different directions, my grandmother died this year and my sister is getting married! This is not what I expected at age 23! I still feel as if I'm in the same shoes I was my freshmen year of college wondering why am I here and  why is it when I think I understand and then I get placed back to where I don't!At the same time I have never felt such awareness as I do know in loving yourself!
This seems like an easy message but it is one that tends to sneak up when I least expect it. I  can't tell you how many times I have been on my knees saying, " Again, Lord we were just here yesterday." However,  this wall has choose rear it's ugly head at me, yet in a stronger form. I've come to realize that I need to let others love me as well but because this one has reared it's head at me I have let me myself sit down in worthless puddle." I guess you could say it's been the theme in my blog but I have to realize that  it's better to be authentic then wear a crown of  I  am Miss. Independent! I still have to fight her!  Yet, at the same time I know I have to accept  each victory when they come, instead of looking what I missed up! I don't tend for any one to understand. I just want to learn to be me and being able to write frees me to do so!  I know some may call me weak.  It's something I have to  learn though because truth is  I have never been strong. I just know it's in my weakness I must remember that's when God allows me to feel strong! I am still learning but I know I'm not the only one! So, may God  take my weakness and use it for His glory!

Do You know Your Alive?

" Do you know your alive?"~ I know this sounds weird but think about it!  I mean think about it because right now your able to sit, breath, see and hear! Perhaps maybe not all of these things but I'm sure you can connect to one of them! This was one I was so reminded of yesterday on my birthday! I don't know about you but I tend to forget these things when I go into futuristic mode because so often my brains rattling about the next day. However, the Lord reminded me yesterday to focus on the moments that I'm given during this day! Also, the fact alone I was birthed should be a blessing! I mean I wasn't aborted or did I die because of some illness! I came out healthy and I 've grew up pretty healthy!
I know  these are common things but common things are often where were reminded of where our deepest joy comes from!
 I mean there has to be some purpose because why else would we be alive! You just don't create something unless you think they  have purpose! This is what I'm learning in my relationship with God! I'm learning what it means to be renewed in gospel! I know it may seem for those of us who have heard it our whole lives that we understand God died but sometimes there are wave lenghts where we need to be refreshed that Jesus died for us! And not just our neighbor down the road! Sure we can tell every person down the road along with letting those sweet words roll off our lips but they mean nothing unless were living it!  This is  still mind boggling for me but as I think about this I believe we all go through butterfly stages. Sometimes were the catipillar crawling along  and munching on all those leaves because were trying to sort out what beauty is or life in that matter. Then there are those still moments were in the cacoon just standing because it is the only place we know. However, it never fails  on God's perfect timing that you & I become new!
 And in honesty I'm still chewing all this in! However, I'm learning the more I allow my maker to come in then I'm able fly with the wings He so desires for me to bold in!  May you find this truth as well!

 And perhaps as I leave with this image , may you be reminded of His blood! I know it looks weird but  this is what I saw today a butterfly as a bride covered by His blood! Still soaking it up! However, thankful for God's constant work!

Age Before Beauty ( Myth)

 " Age before beauty", sound familiar? I'm sure we have all interpreted that one in many ways but  in one aspect of a literal term, age shouldn't matter. Beauty isn't just in the young but the old as well!  Today, was a fresh reminder of that as I sat with some  precious friends listening to the Nursing home residents sing. It was beautiful and a reminder how joy is so important in life! Some times its easy to fail to accept the joy because  our minds are dwell in the circumstances that seem unjust. However,  wouldn't one think it's unjust for someone to have to sit  in  a Nursing home perhaps dealing with :
* Being disabled
*  No, family members visiting
I'm not saying that's always the case but think about it, for those of  us who have our family and are able to move around. Sometimes our minds forget how blessed we are even just for the little things. I know my heart was caught with that today ; especially when one lady said, "God will warm your heart up", it was something like that but she had such a clear true point!
Sometimes life is difficult; however it's the outlook that changes everything ! Very blessed today and also just  glad I got spend time with my blessed sisters!

This is My Family

 One thing I am learning is really how beautiful the body of Christ is! In the past couple of weeks I've been learning that sometimes you will feel like your standing in a plastic world. And then there are those moments that you can simply just be where you are! I have definitely been reminded this week what it's like in some aspect to stand on the outside of the Cross. It's easy to catch ourselves into the mindset that the Cross couldn't have been for me and who would want me? However, day by day my Father keeps saying" I love you and are you listening?" I can very much relate to that, especially in the passage of John 14 where  Jesus was talking to Philip.
Jesus spoke these words, " Don't you know me Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, Show us the Father?" For some reason  it's hard to imagine that someone would actually give something up for us when we don't return any thing; even a praise!  I can't tell you how many times I have choose to sit there. I have many times felt like the child sitting in the background asking , " Do you see me?  or Do I even matter?". It's still a constant battle but  even last night walking away  from the service, I could hear my Father saying , " Yes, maybe some relationships are not perfect or they don't make sense but look among yourself" I very much needed those words and this is why I have chosen to show you my family!

I know this photos odd because I choose not to smile but however, sometimes this is reality that were not always one the ones smiling but our families will still stand there even when we rather run away telling ourselves that we're alone! So, say hello to  my family @ Cumberland's:

Stamped With Mercy & Grace

 My life has never been certain or understandable for that matter other then that there must be a lot of grace & mercy!  However, I think most of us would agree that's life! These past two days off from the College world has been so impactful from the emotions of I don't know rather to rejoice or cry! I can on the other hand  know that My Father is there! It's not that He has ever went away but He's been waiting for me to see that I don't need to have a million retreats, books or people to tell me about Him! He's been speaking about Himself from the beginning! He even wrote about Himself in His Word!
And yet, the funny part is it's easy to go around asking others about Jesus but He's telling us straight forward in the very source the Bible! I'm not saying it's bad to ask but  it's easy to forget that  there is no other way to understand Jesus then the one who understands Himself!
The same way with people. You and I could go around asking questions about people but the only way to really know someone is to spend time with them! That's what God's been teaching me lately! I'm beginning to learn that my desires are not by accident. They are not meant to shame us! The desires were created within us!  However, I want to state I'm not talking about the sinful nature! I'm talking about the wholesome good ones that were planted!
Yes, we were born into sin but our Father wants to give us  life! This is the truth I needed so desperately spoken into my life!  For a while and even today as mentioned in my blogs I've been letting negativity in my life. And this is very  hypocritical of me because if I'm saying My God is good; I must believe He  made and is making good things in me!
It's true I'm not good on my own but the matter is you don't die for something unless you think there is worth! And you don't spend time with them either if you don't think something is worth it! That's something My Father has been showing me through  Spiritual Mama Magan! I think it's easy sometimes to look ourselves hating  to even spend time with ourselves. Therefore we come to the conclusion that no one wants to spend time with us but that's a lie from Hell! I'm not saying I've mastered all this but I'm becoming aware  that life really does matter! It's not just a saying but it's truth!  And it's the truth many of us need! I don't know where you  are in life but this is my life story and if God can use it! Then I'm willing because I don't own any thing! Thank You for coming along with me! Fly with Christ!

Come Into The Light

In this season I find it to be a place with challenge but also to really learn what it means to be in my Father's hands!  I have found in my journey that sometimes we cover up our emotions because we think were not adequate! I have to apologize also because I have been one of the individuals who has given the picture of one having to have it all together. I have walked in a fear that if people really knew how I looked at myself ; they would turn away but I'm finding it is healthier to bring the shame into the light! The truth is I don't think I'm beautiful and I'm my worlds worst critique! I know very well how to put on the act of love for others but not myself.
The reality is I find myself envying  others thinking how wonderful so and so's life is. I easily get embarrassed when it comes to my family.  I spend a lot of time wishing for better communication then accepting the good things as well. This has been the pattern I've picked up. I think when I've messed up that I'm not good enough. And yet, it puts me in the place of my faith asking , " If your not good enough ( worth) , then why would Jesus die?"
 This one has been hard to confess because I mean I grew up knowing about Jesus. I even accepted in my heart at a young age. However, I taught myself well how to not show it because after all those who know Christ should find worth right? That's what He taught! He taught us to love Him with all our heart , soul and mind. He even said love your neighbor as yourself!
That one really stings because if I loved my neighbor as myself. It wouldn't be pretty. There might even be a few battle scars. I didn't want to admit this because after all our world tells us  to be the strong one! It's not looked upon with honor if you show yourself as weak. And truth is  I am weak. I 'm no where strong on my own!
I know this one is more intense but  today once again my Father or even that night with my precious friend Kathleen that I shared with you with you about; He was there to tell me how much He loved me! And I need to enjoy the life He's given me because what good is freedom, if were still in bondage? To be honest; it's not !  I don't find it easy to talk about but I'm learning what it means to live a vulnerable life! It's not so much we share everything but we share everything  that the Lord would show us to do! We share it because we know that darkness only stops us from pushing forward!
That is why I thank my Father  for today & last night because the more I ready Romans 8 which was encouraged by my beautiful Spiritual mother Magan, I realize that if I'm going to share the light , that I have to be in the light! So, maybe life is not perfect but it's the one God's given me and I need to press on! This is my awareness of whats going on  but what I really hope to inspire in someones life, that maybe your like me and you need to bring things to the light! I don't know but this is my story and what a journey!

To Know The Great Teacher Is To Be Willing To Be Open

 This season has been one of my most heaviest! I've had to open myself up for some healing that's been desperately needed! And one thing the Father's been teaching me especially this week; that the hunger of the heart is not ignored but what good is it if we depend on the world to teach us. I'm not saying God can't teach us through His creation but it's easy to forget who is the Greatest Teacher of them all! These past few weeks have been wonderful along with hard  in many ways but it took God to send my beautiful sister Kathleen to remind me that I don't need a retreat or a certain group to experience God!
I need His word! So, it's caused me to make some hard choices but it's the healthiest ones I know to make! All, I know is my God must really love me because He keeps reaching His hand out rather it's His word or an encouragement! It's been hard to receive it though but I've needed to picked back up. I've let my emotions rob me for so long! I even hid them because I felt shame. However, I'm learning piece by piece to walk again! 
 So, maybe my stories not the way I would write it. On the  other, hand I'm learning and   so maybe a lot of pain will come with this one but I praise my God because I don't want to be robbed any more!  So, if you have hugged me, said I love you or  just listened. It's meant the world to me! Even , if I've not been as receptive! My heart can't forget and won't! Love you my sweet friends!

Wet Feet & Grace of A Stranger

  If you were to have an over view of my life. I would tell you God must have stamped " Grace & Mercy on my forehead. I really don't know why after how many times I've questioned but He keeps loving me! He loves me even when I choose the hard way! Don't ask me why because I have yet to figure this one out but I coming to realize in my life I can be that rebel bride! However, today as I just kept walking this week God kept putting His hand out there. From the moment of my 1:00 P.M class on Monday till today!  I'm finding the more I ask the more I'm able to see God must really love me; especially today!
It was pouring rain and I was soaked. I had chosen to take the stubborn way instead of waiting for the rain to stop but the Lord put a lady in my path. She gave me a ride to my dorm. I'm not about riding with strangers ( hear me out) but  I believe the Lord sent her! I could have been stuck in a worst situation but God's grace kept protecting me!
This is just one section of His grace that I've seen but this one really stands out to me because even in a Spiritual sense, there are times we think were bold enough to handle are mess but  really we need  God to stick His  hand out in the storm!  Therefore, I've come to note again I really must be special to Him because He keeps chasing me! It's  hard one to believe but some how it all works that out! This is the heart of grace, things we dont' deserve!