Come Into The Light

In this season I find it to be a place with challenge but also to really learn what it means to be in my Father's hands!  I have found in my journey that sometimes we cover up our emotions because we think were not adequate! I have to apologize also because I have been one of the individuals who has given the picture of one having to have it all together. I have walked in a fear that if people really knew how I looked at myself ; they would turn away but I'm finding it is healthier to bring the shame into the light! The truth is I don't think I'm beautiful and I'm my worlds worst critique! I know very well how to put on the act of love for others but not myself.
The reality is I find myself envying  others thinking how wonderful so and so's life is. I easily get embarrassed when it comes to my family.  I spend a lot of time wishing for better communication then accepting the good things as well. This has been the pattern I've picked up. I think when I've messed up that I'm not good enough. And yet, it puts me in the place of my faith asking , " If your not good enough ( worth) , then why would Jesus die?"
 This one has been hard to confess because I mean I grew up knowing about Jesus. I even accepted in my heart at a young age. However, I taught myself well how to not show it because after all those who know Christ should find worth right? That's what He taught! He taught us to love Him with all our heart , soul and mind. He even said love your neighbor as yourself!
That one really stings because if I loved my neighbor as myself. It wouldn't be pretty. There might even be a few battle scars. I didn't want to admit this because after all our world tells us  to be the strong one! It's not looked upon with honor if you show yourself as weak. And truth is  I am weak. I 'm no where strong on my own!
I know this one is more intense but  today once again my Father or even that night with my precious friend Kathleen that I shared with you with you about; He was there to tell me how much He loved me! And I need to enjoy the life He's given me because what good is freedom, if were still in bondage? To be honest; it's not !  I don't find it easy to talk about but I'm learning what it means to live a vulnerable life! It's not so much we share everything but we share everything  that the Lord would show us to do! We share it because we know that darkness only stops us from pushing forward!
That is why I thank my Father  for today & last night because the more I ready Romans 8 which was encouraged by my beautiful Spiritual mother Magan, I realize that if I'm going to share the light , that I have to be in the light! So, maybe life is not perfect but it's the one God's given me and I need to press on! This is my awareness of whats going on  but what I really hope to inspire in someones life, that maybe your like me and you need to bring things to the light! I don't know but this is my story and what a journey!