Awaken My Heart

 For the past few days I've been at my Fathers feet asking what do you see when you look at me because when I look at me this is what I see:

 I told Him how broken I felt. And while it was hurtful I had to be honest I had been denying my Father's love. I became deaf.  I couldn't even accept the times when He did tell me how much He loved me ; especially this week. I was blind but when I set down last night I started seeing all my walls that I let built up. I had let the little girl wall take her place without letting reality be set in. However, being able to take this step really only just brought a step of freedom. I know some days I will experience anger , happiness and sadness but the question is how present will I allow myself to be.
 At the same time this has been an awaking to whats been held me back for a while. I held my emotions so long that this is what I became. I became a girl with smugged marks across my face. I let my heart clutter up so much that the beauty that God wanted to show me became swallowed up. This is where I am now but I'm learning that this isn't the end. I know this could come across as an ugly mess but this is the mess that I know God 's willing to break through. It's a mess that's actually good. I know for some they would think how is this good. However, I have to say as mentioned before this is such a freedom.

 So, as I've began to let go I have started realizing that in order to radiate the beauty God's put there that I'm going to have to be willing to be pruned. By no means have I enjoyed it but underneath it's been a beginning of healing. And as I sat here just today thinking over everything I've experienced this is the picture God gave me of  how He sees me. It's just one piece but for me this is huge because it had seem like I was always repeating myself but all God was ever wanting was me. I still don't know why but as I look at this one last picture I pray I will be reminded of the grace freely gives me even in my daily relationships.

 Yes, there are some thorns aside the road but I know the more I let Jesus climb to the top; then the more I realize how true His love really is! I've needed to hear this one because I had been letting myself hear I'm a burden even with people who really loved me. I don't really know how long this one will take but what I have learned is it's so important to let your heart be where it is! Don't force the healing! Let, the Lord get in! He'll take it from there!  Yes, & Amen!