BitterSweetness

 There have been many changes in my life this semester. In some ways some of my stronger moments of joy but also some bittersweet moments. I have found  myself learning that no matter how much our hearts desire that our plans are not always what one expects. They can turn around in one moment. It is an odd place in my life because many of my friends are going in different directions, my grandmother died this year and my sister is getting married! This is not what I expected at age 23! I still feel as if I'm in the same shoes I was my freshmen year of college wondering why am I here and  why is it when I think I understand and then I get placed back to where I don't!At the same time I have never felt such awareness as I do know in loving yourself!
This seems like an easy message but it is one that tends to sneak up when I least expect it. I  can't tell you how many times I have been on my knees saying, " Again, Lord we were just here yesterday." However,  this wall has choose rear it's ugly head at me, yet in a stronger form. I've come to realize that I need to let others love me as well but because this one has reared it's head at me I have let me myself sit down in worthless puddle." I guess you could say it's been the theme in my blog but I have to realize that  it's better to be authentic then wear a crown of  I  am Miss. Independent! I still have to fight her!  Yet, at the same time I know I have to accept  each victory when they come, instead of looking what I missed up! I don't tend for any one to understand. I just want to learn to be me and being able to write frees me to do so!  I know some may call me weak.  It's something I have to  learn though because truth is  I have never been strong. I just know it's in my weakness I must remember that's when God allows me to feel strong! I am still learning but I know I'm not the only one! So, may God  take my weakness and use it for His glory!